Festive Fun

I'm still here! And still working on Chr!$*^@s designs. Here is my latest giftwrap design which is available for licensing through my agent: Advocate Art.

Please throw ideas my way if there is a gift wrap or card design you would love to see but have not as yet been able to find. Cheers!

Ch******* Time!

Here are some new Ch******* card designs which can be licensed/purchased through my agent, Advocate Art. I can only apologise for posting this so early on in the year!

Blue Tit

I've just finished this little painting for my Grandad for Grandad's Day on Sunday, but it's a secret shhhhh!

Assignment 7

Sorry I've been a bit slow about posting this one, but I've been a busy bee...26 line conversation between two characters, doctor and patient. Each line of the dialogue starting with the next consecutive letter of the alphabet. First line starts with M, last line starts with L:

Mrs Samson?

No, no Doctor, please call me Sylvia.

Okay Sylvia, what seems to be the problem?

Postmen.

Quivering with anxiety, she repeated herself: P-Postmen, I think I’m allergic

Royal mail, he smiled, or postmen in general?

Seriously Doctor, this is no joke – ever since the new postie started his job, I get palpitations every time I hear that Italian accent of his, or see him strolling up the garden path.

That is unusual…have you been experiencing any other symptoms?

Unease, nausea, dry mouth, breathlessness, excessive sweating and at times I become light-headed.

Virtually all of the symptoms you describe, Sylvia, seem to indicate that you are suffering from a phobia rather than an allergy.

Well that’s ridiculous, why on earth would I be scared of the postman?

Xenophobia is what I am proposing - a fear of foreigners or strangers.

You think I’m racist?

Zero tolerance is my policy on racism, and besides, my Grandmother is Italian and I don’t believe she has ever caused me to have palpitations.

At no point did I suggest you are racist Mrs Samson, but perhaps it is change or the unconventional that you fear.

Beta blockers might be a means by which you could control your anxiety; Propranolol may do the trick.

Could give them a go I guess Doctor, but I don’t know why a woman of my age would despair at a handsome Italian delivering her mail.

Doesn’t make sense at all if you ask me!

Ever thought you might be attracted to this man Mrs Samson?

Fluttering heart, adrenaline pumping around your body…all of the signs are there.

Guess you could be right Doctor.

Hands are sweaty just thinking about it.

I don’t know why I didn’t see it before.

Just glad I could help Mrs Samson.

Know any cures Doctor?

Love is the drug I’m thinking of Mrs Samson…

Sausage Arm

Assignment 6: 107 words, must contain the word 'sausage'.

This patient presented at the surgery today complaining of numbness creeping through her left arm with restricted range of movement in the wrist and fingers.

On examination: skin clammy to the touch. Early signs of hypopigmentation and extensive ballooning of the forearm, hand and fingers. Fingers lack definition – difficult to decipher where the arm ends and hand begins.

Blood investigations indicate high cholesterol.

Probable diagnosis: Botulusarmo (“Sausage Arm”)

Action taken: advised to reduce intake of red meat – pork in particular and to avoid dogs at all costs. Discussed cure by salting.

Treatment: 500g sodium chloride. Rub into skin twice daily and leave to dry. Follow-up 6 wks.

Peepshow at Pick Me Up

(Pictured artwork by Chrissie MacDonald from Peepshow)

Last weekend I was invited to help Peepshow run a print workshop at "Pick Me Up" which is running at Somerset House in London.

Lots of lovely artists can be found at this Contemporary Graphic Art Fair, and for just £3 you can even make and take home your very own masterpiece courtesy of Peepshow.

Ever wanted to stick your head inside a giant bottom? Well Le Gun have put together a display which makes this all very possible...

Other artists and collectives exhibiting and selling work at this venue include Nobrow, It's Nice That, Print Club London, Concrete Hermit, and you can even see Rob Ryan and his team cutting out delicate paper designs in his purposefully built studio.

Wondering what to do this weekend? Then pop along for a peek at Pick Me Up.

Hooray!

I have a shiny new computer, so I can keep on blogging...how exciting!

So here is Assignment 5:

Ok. Choose a proverb or well-known saying. Write a story with that as your theme. Each of the words from the proverb must start a new sentence of your story. These should appear consecutively. E.g. Look before you leap. 'Look' starts your first sentence, 'Before' starts your second, and so on. As long or as short as you like.


Procrastination creeps up on a person often disguised in the form of someone or something they are familiar with, and before they know it they have let down their guard, and become both criminal and victim of a very serious crime.

Is that my phone bleeping? I find myself thinking (knowing full well that I had turned it off so I could concentrate on the task in hand).

The thought leads to a train of thoughts and I find myself calling my mother (who I haven’t spoken to in at least a day), but she isn’t home, so I call my brother, but he isn’t home either, so I start scrolling through my list of contacts…

Thief! I want to shout, as I realise the day has vanished with little evidence of accomplishment, but I realise that the only perpetrator is quite literally under my own nose, and I chuckle at myself going cross-eyed trying to look the culprit in the face.

Of course there is always tomorrow – I’ll do some work then, I promise myself, but the promise is an empty one.

‘Time’ is normally a punishment for those that do the crime, but to sufferers of procrastination, it’s like a bag of swag and they dare to offend time and time again